After reading 50 Shades of Grey, my perception on sex has definitely expanded. God that book is good. It combines romance, sex, and forbidden fruit all into a book no girl will probably every put down. Honestly, guys should read this book just so we save ourselves the embarrassment of one day having to tell the guy we’re about to have sex with to tie us up, mess with us, and then fuck. PAUSE—actually no. I personally wonder if anyone has “made love” to me. Sounds so disgustingly gay—I know. But as gay as it sounds to saw or think out loud, I’m sure girls think it. Who doesn’t want to actually feel appreciated, cared for, and loved when having sex. Having sex or “making love” is so much better. Connecting not only physically, but mentally makes sex better in my opinion, but I never technically know what the other is thinking. Like is it a “God I wanna fuck her, she’s hot” or “This is the only girl that I go crazy for” type of sex. I guess you don’t think about it when you’re having sex because usually it’s all a blur of horny, quick actions to feel satisfied I guess, but I know I’ve definitely made love to Vinay at least like 3 times. By that I mean consciously thinking it before or during; it was probably around the time we said we “love” each other. (I don’t remember exactly) Then there’s Shashank—I love him as a person, but I’m pretty sure we don’t connect on that level. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. He gives me everything, is LITERALLY the nicest most selfless guy I know, yet I don’t think we’d ever get to the “make love” type of sex which is how I kind of know it’s not going to go anywhere…but I mean you never know. But see this isn’t only me…Shashank doesn’t “make love” to me either. It’s very ONLY physical for him. I’m sure it was just my body and not really me it’d still be the same, ya know? And I definitely don’t “make love” to him. I thought so at one point almost at TX OU when we had sex for the first time, but I was just probably overwhelmed by my birthday, all that Shashank did for my birthday, and loser face ignoring me on my birthday. Anyways, then there’s Aneel who I lost my virginity to, who definitely didn’t “make love.” HAH. We just…I don’t even know. I remember the nights, but not clearly, but I know it was totally whatever sex the first time. But like all girls, I secretly got attached. I totes thought we were perfect for each other and fantasized about how we’d end up to find out that he had sex with Florence……..eww and then she came to work at Kumon with me and I had to fucking train her. Aneel was the first boy I cried over. How sad. As in pathetic-ly gross. It seems to suck to bad then, but after FOREVER you get over it and it’s not that of a deal anymore. Just waiting for that to kick it with the Kap ill stuff. Pravin…doesn’t even count. He was just a trophy conquer. Nothing else. Sigh then there’s loser face. So many good times. One of the best was definitely in the back of his car when we pulled over. I don’t know where we were headed. This wasn’t the time that someone caught us either, it was just one random afternoon we pulled over in a parking lot in a neighborhood. I remember I wore a push up bra because I know I think it makes everything up there look better and wanted to surprise him by not having a sport bra on for once. I still can’t get that time out of my head probably because it was one of the times that thought of “making love” slipped in my head. So gay right? Disgusting. I can’t even read this without cringing. How can I think so cheese-ily.
Where was I…50 Shades…Great book. Don’t we all wish we could find a Christian Grey? Boy with problems that you seem to be the only cure to. Fixing a fucked up person because he loves you over anything–how friggin sweet.